I want to share this very personal realisation. Chocolate has always been my one treat that I refuse to let go of. I had an “A-ha” moment. I was bored and lonely at home, and I started off just having two pieces of chocolate from a slab in the fridge. “Two pieces is fine, nobody will judge me for that,” I thought. But then I had another two. The guilt started to set in. Now my family would know I ate four pieces all on my own. The guilt gave way to feeling like I had to somehow hide the evidence. So I did. By eating the entire rest of the slab. I justified it by thinking that I could just quickly buy a new slab at the shops before the family got home.
Then it hit me. All at once, I realised how unhealthy my relationship with food and my weight has gotten. I’m constantly feeling like I want the nice food, then horribly guilty once I’ve had it, and as a result I feel completely disgusted with myself. I look in the mirror and see the fat girl. The girl who was never confident enough to wear a bikini because everyone else had amazing tiny little bodies, and there I was, chubby and round. Yuck.
Something must change. I know that I am more than my body image. I did wear my bikini with a “Screw it!” attitude for a while, but I’ve regressed into trying to cover up and hide myself again. I have been trying to lose weight and get healthy, but not hard enough. I know that I can do anything I set my mind to. I just need to set my mind to it. I want to be proud of the person I see in the mirror. Not just for my accomplishments and who I am, because I am proud of that, but for my body. Your body is the only one you get, so it’s pretty important to look after it!
I’ll let you know how I do. If you have any ideas on how to keep me motivated, let me know!